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​ Connection​ The latest from Jennifer Boudrye, Parent Educator & Coach

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Hello, Reader!

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and experienced minimal stress gathering with family and friends. And if you had a quiet, small celebration I hope that was just what you needed this year.

Yesterday, I was walking through a large department store and passed the children's department while trying to find a cashier. I stopped to admire the absolutely adorable mini-sized finery for tots. So cute! And also so ridiculous in all good ways. I took a few moments to remember when my girls were little and I dressed them in matching holiday outfits - velvet or taffeta dresses with poufy skirts that lasted through one meal and some pictures before they insisted on changing into more comfy clothes to enjoy the day.

It got me thinking about all of the expectations I've held for the holidays. From decorating the house until it looked like a Santa factory exploded, to buying too many "perfect" gifts, to preparing an abundance of special meals, and participating in all of the sing-alongs and traditional activities we could find in our area. But in reality, my expectations for the perfect holiday never seemed to pan out. I often felt overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, and disappointed.

As I've mentioned in (too many?) previous letters, I'm adjusting to the reality that my kids are spread out across the country and our family holidays will look and feel very different this year and for the foreseeable future. I am starting to think it might actually be a good thing because the universe is forcing me to let go of all expectations for what our holiday celebration "should" be and I'm embracing what is. And that is a very good thing.

As I was standing in the store surrounded by all the frills (still searching for a cashier!), my brain jumped from thinking about the expectations people hold around the holidays to the expectations we hold about who our children will become. When I was dressing my toddler girls to look like holiday princesses I certainly didn't expect that one would grow up to adorn herself with tattoos and piercings, or that the other one would become a pastor. I didn't imagine that my son would be queer or would be passionate about singing classical music. If I had held tight to my expectations about who my children "should" be, I would have missed out on getting to know the amazing humans that they have become.

This holiday season, I invite you to step back from expectations in order to appreciate the reality of what is. Not just about the holidays, but about who your children are and who they may become. Take a break from the hurriedness of the holiday, get quiet, and simply talk. Here are some conversation starters that might start some surprising conversations:

• What is something that makes you feel unstoppable?
• What’s something you’re really bad at?
• How do you hope people describe you?
• What do you think makes someone a good person?
• Which unconventional animal do you wish you could have as a pet?
• What is a skill you’ve always wanted to learn?

I'd love to hear what you learn about your kids - and yourself! Free join me in about an hour? I'd love to talk about whatever is on your mind today.

Sending you so many positive vibes,

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The Parent With Care Collective Membership is open and free until 12/31/23. Curious? Join us Wednesdays @12noon ET for live group coaching! ​

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